IT'S BEEN AWHILE, I KNOW...

It's been awhile, I know, since I've written anything but I have not been in the mood.  Actually, I've been quite moody lately.  To tell you the truth, I am feeling discouraged.  Some days it just feels like I will never be able to reach my goal.  I worked out the other day with weights and it is incredible how much strength I have lost.  On the other hand, I also know that it comes back pretty quickly too.  It's just that it is never fast enough. 

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, "Who are you trying to kid?  You are never going to be what you want to be!"  I buy into my thoughts and I get all discouraged and then I do something to sabotage my progress.  Usually it's to eat something that I really shouldn't and then right after I've finished eating the forbidden food, I will get upset with myself for being so weak and pitiful.  I justify my weakness by telling myself that I will do better tomorrow; I will start again tomorrow.  I can't tell you how many tomorrows there have been.  Far too many.  I'm tired of feeling this way.  Every year comes and goes and I have not been successful.  In the summer, I will tell myself that I will be able to buy a pair of jeans and wear them this winter.  I have not bought a pair of jeans in 18 years.  Winter comes and goes and no jeans.  So I set a new goal and I tell myself that I will be able to wear a bikini (if I so desire) this summer and guess what?  Summer comes and goes and no bikini.  I am tired of watching the seasons come and go and not reaching my goals.  No jeans, no bikini.

This year, 2010, is going to be different.  It has to be.  I have a dress a size smaller that I have to get into. Actually, I can put the dress on; I just can't zip it up all the way.  So why the self sabotaging thoughts?  Is the devil messing with my thoughts? Or, is it because I haven't been successful yet?  After all, isn't past behaviors a good predictor of future behaviors?  Or, am I being impatient?  And because it isn't happening fast enough, I then tell myself that it's probably not going to happen.  Stinking thinking.  Whatever the reason, I really want to be successful this time.

Our thoughts are very powerful and they can make or break us.  I know this.  The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." So, I guess as long as I think that I am fat, then fat is what I will be.  I feel like it is important for me to journal my thoughts along the way.  All my thoughts, both positive and negative.   Positive thoughts written down are encouraging for down days and negative thoughts once written down are often revealed as ridiculous and distorted.  It's important that negative thoughts be put into proper perspective.  You know I heard a really great saying once, it went like this:  "Whether you think you can or you can't, you are right!"  Is there anything else to say?