I've invited some of my closest friends to read my blog. I figured it would be a great way to be accountable in an indirect sort of way. So, anyone who reads this will be watching me to see if I reach my goals and that's great. That's what I want. I've received some great feedback from my friends and I'd like to share some of it with you:
"I read some of your blog, and I do not agree with you saying you are fat. Having a goal to be skinny or to fit in a certain pair of jeans will only bring you short term satisfaction before you find something else about yourself that will make you unhappy. I'm not saying don't try to be a healthy weight, but remind yourself that weight isn't the key to happiness or good self esteem. I hope you reach you goal, and have fun doing it. Working out and eating healthy can be a lot of fun. Don't get discouraged."
"...I read your blog and I think we all get discouraged from time to time. Just be you and love yourself for who you are and if your goal is to get in that dress then all you can do is to do your best and I know you can do anything you want to do!"
"Great idea!!! I have read it and congrats on doing so well. I think it's important to work towards goals that are realistic and worthwhile. Your reasons are good - health ones especially. If doing this makes you feel better, then go ahead but don't do it because you think you'll like your life more if you're thinner - simply because it will still be your same life. You'll feel better about yourself which does makes things seem easier, but it's still the same life dealing with the same things. You have good reasons and a good goal, stick to it! Good luck."
"I read your blog too...I agree with everyone who already wrote back to you. I think the key here is to love yourself AS YOU ARE first...then if you want to improve that, then go for it!! Acceptance is a big thing...but once you can do that, then it'll be easier to move forward!! I commend you on your goals, and if you really think it will make you happier then I'm all for it!! Keep those blogs coming Tammy!! We're all rooting for you!!"
I love getting these comments because it is encouraging for me. There is always something new to be learned. You know it's not that I think I am fat it's just that it is a medical fact that I have 30 pounds on my body more than I should have and I am not happy with that. I also am not getting any younger so getting back into shape is just going to get harder and harder. I know that my goal has to be for a lifestyle change as well and not solely for a specific event. It's okay to have a certain event to use a time line in order to reach your goals, but it is equally important to have something in mind for after the event as well. If you don't, then what? You gain all your weight back? For me, no way! Yes, my original motivation is for my wedding vow renewals, but it is definitely a lifestyle change for me. This is not just for now, this is forever.
My happiness is not conditional upon my weight loss; I'm already happy and I am no different than anyone else as I have setbacks and problems too! Life is not easy. But the bottom line is, if I am overweight, then I am overweight and I need to do something about that. I will not be satisfied until the weight comes off. There is anything wrong with that. I want to be as healthy as I can be. This is especially important as I am not getting any younger. I do want to be as healthy as I can be in my old age, not old, sick and decrepit.
According to my nutritionist and a personal trainer at the gym, I have healthy and realistic weight loss goals set. (not to mention my own personal knowledge of fitness & nutrition) I want to lose 30 pounds and I have 32 weeks in which to to accomplish this. Very achievable. One pound a week is a very safe and healthy weight loss and I have a much better chance of keeping it off by doing it this way.
The only problem I have now is my impatience. I want it now. And I often feel discouraged because it is coming off so slowly. This is why it is so important to watch my thoughts because if I don't they will get the better of me and this doesn't help in any way. I need to remind myself that even Rome wasn't built in a day! But wasn't it destroyed in one day?...case in point!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
IT'S BEEN AWHILE, I KNOW...
It's been awhile, I know, since I've written anything but I have not been in the mood. Actually, I've been quite moody lately. To tell you the truth, I am feeling discouraged. Some days it just feels like I will never be able to reach my goal. I worked out the other day with weights and it is incredible how much strength I have lost. On the other hand, I also know that it comes back pretty quickly too. It's just that it is never fast enough.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, "Who are you trying to kid? You are never going to be what you want to be!" I buy into my thoughts and I get all discouraged and then I do something to sabotage my progress. Usually it's to eat something that I really shouldn't and then right after I've finished eating the forbidden food, I will get upset with myself for being so weak and pitiful. I justify my weakness by telling myself that I will do better tomorrow; I will start again tomorrow. I can't tell you how many tomorrows there have been. Far too many. I'm tired of feeling this way. Every year comes and goes and I have not been successful. In the summer, I will tell myself that I will be able to buy a pair of jeans and wear them this winter. I have not bought a pair of jeans in 18 years. Winter comes and goes and no jeans. So I set a new goal and I tell myself that I will be able to wear a bikini (if I so desire) this summer and guess what? Summer comes and goes and no bikini. I am tired of watching the seasons come and go and not reaching my goals. No jeans, no bikini.
This year, 2010, is going to be different. It has to be. I have a dress a size smaller that I have to get into. Actually, I can put the dress on; I just can't zip it up all the way. So why the self sabotaging thoughts? Is the devil messing with my thoughts? Or, is it because I haven't been successful yet? After all, isn't past behaviors a good predictor of future behaviors? Or, am I being impatient? And because it isn't happening fast enough, I then tell myself that it's probably not going to happen. Stinking thinking. Whatever the reason, I really want to be successful this time.
Our thoughts are very powerful and they can make or break us. I know this. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." So, I guess as long as I think that I am fat, then fat is what I will be. I feel like it is important for me to journal my thoughts along the way. All my thoughts, both positive and negative. Positive thoughts written down are encouraging for down days and negative thoughts once written down are often revealed as ridiculous and distorted. It's important that negative thoughts be put into proper perspective. You know I heard a really great saying once, it went like this: "Whether you think you can or you can't, you are right!" Is there anything else to say?
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, "Who are you trying to kid? You are never going to be what you want to be!" I buy into my thoughts and I get all discouraged and then I do something to sabotage my progress. Usually it's to eat something that I really shouldn't and then right after I've finished eating the forbidden food, I will get upset with myself for being so weak and pitiful. I justify my weakness by telling myself that I will do better tomorrow; I will start again tomorrow. I can't tell you how many tomorrows there have been. Far too many. I'm tired of feeling this way. Every year comes and goes and I have not been successful. In the summer, I will tell myself that I will be able to buy a pair of jeans and wear them this winter. I have not bought a pair of jeans in 18 years. Winter comes and goes and no jeans. So I set a new goal and I tell myself that I will be able to wear a bikini (if I so desire) this summer and guess what? Summer comes and goes and no bikini. I am tired of watching the seasons come and go and not reaching my goals. No jeans, no bikini.
This year, 2010, is going to be different. It has to be. I have a dress a size smaller that I have to get into. Actually, I can put the dress on; I just can't zip it up all the way. So why the self sabotaging thoughts? Is the devil messing with my thoughts? Or, is it because I haven't been successful yet? After all, isn't past behaviors a good predictor of future behaviors? Or, am I being impatient? And because it isn't happening fast enough, I then tell myself that it's probably not going to happen. Stinking thinking. Whatever the reason, I really want to be successful this time.
Our thoughts are very powerful and they can make or break us. I know this. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." So, I guess as long as I think that I am fat, then fat is what I will be. I feel like it is important for me to journal my thoughts along the way. All my thoughts, both positive and negative. Positive thoughts written down are encouraging for down days and negative thoughts once written down are often revealed as ridiculous and distorted. It's important that negative thoughts be put into proper perspective. You know I heard a really great saying once, it went like this: "Whether you think you can or you can't, you are right!" Is there anything else to say?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I AM OBESE according to some...
I went to see a nutritionist today and I left there not feeling so good. Her scale says that I am 6 pounds heavier than what mine says. Not only that, I have a "Bio Impedance Analysis" done today and the results say that my body fat is 32.6% body fat. Some sites that you look at will tell you that I am obese. And some will say that is a healthy number for someone my age. I look at myself and yes, I do have some, okay maybe more than some fat to get rid of. But obese? I don't know. In any case, whether I am obese or not I am not a happy camper right now.
Bio Impedance Analysis is a very accurate way to measure the amount of body fat & lean muscle tissue that one may have. It is based on the principle that the resistance to an applied electric current is inversely related to the amount of fat-free mass within the body. In other words, the percentage of body fat can be calculated as the current flows more easily through the parts of the body that are composed mostly of water (such as blood, urine & muscle) than it does through bone, fat or air. Then, it is possible to predict how much body fat a person has by combining the bio impendance measure with other factors such as height, weight, gender, fitness level and age.
Apparently there are a few things that could affect the results of this analysis such as dehydration, caffeine consumption within a few hours prior to testing, and going to the bathroom just before testing; to name a few. I don't completely understand it all, as this is the first time that I've ever done a test like this. And based on the results, I'm not so sure that I like it. But if the truth be told, I drank absolutely no water before the appointment and I came to the appointment with a coffee. I'm guessing that it is very possible for my results to be thrown off and that I am not as fat as the results said I was. Don't get me wrong, I do know that I have work to do as you couldn't pay me enough to put on a bikini and lay on the beach.
However, I do have my own calipers and I do know how to use them, so maybe I will do a measurement myself and see how the two compare. Does it seem like I am in denial? Maybe. But I am curious. I did send the nutritionist an email asking her about the potential of the results possibly being thrown off, so we'll see what her response is. Anyway, at least there was some good news today. Apparently, my cellular health is that of a 30 year old, so considering that I am 45, I guess I can feel good about that!
Bio Impedance Analysis is a very accurate way to measure the amount of body fat & lean muscle tissue that one may have. It is based on the principle that the resistance to an applied electric current is inversely related to the amount of fat-free mass within the body. In other words, the percentage of body fat can be calculated as the current flows more easily through the parts of the body that are composed mostly of water (such as blood, urine & muscle) than it does through bone, fat or air. Then, it is possible to predict how much body fat a person has by combining the bio impendance measure with other factors such as height, weight, gender, fitness level and age.
Apparently there are a few things that could affect the results of this analysis such as dehydration, caffeine consumption within a few hours prior to testing, and going to the bathroom just before testing; to name a few. I don't completely understand it all, as this is the first time that I've ever done a test like this. And based on the results, I'm not so sure that I like it. But if the truth be told, I drank absolutely no water before the appointment and I came to the appointment with a coffee. I'm guessing that it is very possible for my results to be thrown off and that I am not as fat as the results said I was. Don't get me wrong, I do know that I have work to do as you couldn't pay me enough to put on a bikini and lay on the beach.
However, I do have my own calipers and I do know how to use them, so maybe I will do a measurement myself and see how the two compare. Does it seem like I am in denial? Maybe. But I am curious. I did send the nutritionist an email asking her about the potential of the results possibly being thrown off, so we'll see what her response is. Anyway, at least there was some good news today. Apparently, my cellular health is that of a 30 year old, so considering that I am 45, I guess I can feel good about that!
MY NEW DRESS
Well, I bought a new dress the other day and it is to wear for when Tony & I renew our wedding vows. But guess what? I bought it a size smaller. Yes, I did. Oh, you should see the dress, it is absolutely gorgeous! And guess what else? I can't take it back - it is a final sale. I did not know that when I bought it, nor did the sales lady let me know that. Funny thing is that I was considering taking it back. Not because I don't think that I can lose enough weight to get into it, but rather it is a very sexy dress and I am not so sure that I can pull off "sexy." I used to be able to pull off "sexy" - no problem. But that was before I had 34 extra pounds on my body. Well actually, it's 33 now. I did lose 1 pound already. It's just that I thought that I might look around and see what else is out there. After all, this was the first dress that I tried on for this occasion and I bought it. My mom was with me and she really liked it. I did wonder, however, if I bought because I really liked it, or did I buy it because she really liked it? Or, do I want to look around for something else because deep down inside I am afraid that I won't be able to lose enough weight to fit into the dress and then I will be stuck with it and I will have to go out and buy another one? Maybe it is a little bit of all of these reasons. I don't know.
I have 38 weeks to be 33 pounds lighter. Very doable. If I lose a pound a week - which by the way, is very reasonable & achievable - that brings me to the first week of October. That's about 4 weeks before our vow renewals. It is also possible for me to lose all the weight that I want to by the beginning to the mid-part of July. Also very doable. So what is my problem? I do like the dress, as a matter of fact, I like it very much. I was surprised at how good it looked on me. Yes, even with me having to lose 33 more pounds. I guess I still got it. :o) Also, I think that there may be a small part of me that wants my Mom's approval. But you know what? I can't, and nor do I want to live that way anymore. I don't need her approval, nor anyone else's for that matter. And I am not trying to be either mean or rebellious. But I do know that looking for others approval is no way to live. The only opinion that matters is my husband's & God's. And, of course, if I like it why should it matter what anyone else thinks. It is, after all, my day right?
I just want to age as gracefully as I can. I want to be healthy and strong; I want to look good, and I am willing to work hard for it. I have the dress hanging up in my bedroom, in full view, and it is serving as a motivational piece for me to continue on reaching my goals. This reminds me of the TV show, "The Last 10 Pounds Boot Camp." Tommy Europe does the show and he always gets the girl to buy the target outfit a size or 2 smaller. The time frame to achieve this goal is 4 weeks. And every time, she succeeds at fitting into the outfit. So, if these girls can do it in 4 weeks, then I certainly can do it in 38 weeks.
"Give me the last 10 pounds!"
I have 38 weeks to be 33 pounds lighter. Very doable. If I lose a pound a week - which by the way, is very reasonable & achievable - that brings me to the first week of October. That's about 4 weeks before our vow renewals. It is also possible for me to lose all the weight that I want to by the beginning to the mid-part of July. Also very doable. So what is my problem? I do like the dress, as a matter of fact, I like it very much. I was surprised at how good it looked on me. Yes, even with me having to lose 33 more pounds. I guess I still got it. :o) Also, I think that there may be a small part of me that wants my Mom's approval. But you know what? I can't, and nor do I want to live that way anymore. I don't need her approval, nor anyone else's for that matter. And I am not trying to be either mean or rebellious. But I do know that looking for others approval is no way to live. The only opinion that matters is my husband's & God's. And, of course, if I like it why should it matter what anyone else thinks. It is, after all, my day right?
I just want to age as gracefully as I can. I want to be healthy and strong; I want to look good, and I am willing to work hard for it. I have the dress hanging up in my bedroom, in full view, and it is serving as a motivational piece for me to continue on reaching my goals. This reminds me of the TV show, "The Last 10 Pounds Boot Camp." Tommy Europe does the show and he always gets the girl to buy the target outfit a size or 2 smaller. The time frame to achieve this goal is 4 weeks. And every time, she succeeds at fitting into the outfit. So, if these girls can do it in 4 weeks, then I certainly can do it in 38 weeks.
"Give me the last 10 pounds!"
Friday, March 5, 2010
ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL DAY
Today is day two in my new eating plan and I am happy to report that I have had another successful day. That means no cheating. I've had breakfast, lunch, & dinner with 2 snacks in between and I am about to have my 3rd and final snack for the day. Although I experienced the irritation yesterday in watching my family eat "less than healthy" food choices, it was worth it for me to endure the feelings and to eat the way that I did as I woke up this morning feeling like I was slimmer. I know it sounds crazy after only one day, but every time I eat clean I just feel thinner the next day.
I even went grocery shopping without craving everything in sight. I think that's great because usually whenever I try to adopt a healthier way of eating I always seem to want everything that I can't have. I hate that. I begin to feel deprived and think that life isn't fair. I start thinking about how I will never be able to eat those "bad foods" again. There is something wrong with my thinking. How is it that I am deprived for not eating something that is bad for me? My husband & I talked about that today. I told him about my irritation at last night's dinner. He said it sounded funny for me to be upset & irritated last night at dinner when I was the one who was eating the better food. Coincidentally, there was a part of me that felt guilty because I was eating better than they were.
I think that a big part of my success is going to be able to control my thoughts. I'll save that for another day. Wish me luck for tomorrow.
I even went grocery shopping without craving everything in sight. I think that's great because usually whenever I try to adopt a healthier way of eating I always seem to want everything that I can't have. I hate that. I begin to feel deprived and think that life isn't fair. I start thinking about how I will never be able to eat those "bad foods" again. There is something wrong with my thinking. How is it that I am deprived for not eating something that is bad for me? My husband & I talked about that today. I told him about my irritation at last night's dinner. He said it sounded funny for me to be upset & irritated last night at dinner when I was the one who was eating the better food. Coincidentally, there was a part of me that felt guilty because I was eating better than they were.
I think that a big part of my success is going to be able to control my thoughts. I'll save that for another day. Wish me luck for tomorrow.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
FRUSTRATED WITH FOOD
Well, it's time to make dinner and I am feeling irritated. I am making chicken nuggets & fries for the family and fish and veggies for myself. I want to eat chicken nuggets and fries too! So I look at the nutrition label to check out the fat content of both of these foods (if you can call it food) and I was not surprised to see that it does not fit into my new "eating clean" plan. The fries per serving (56 fries) has 10 grams of fat and 230 calories, and the chicken nuggets per serving (4 nuggets) has 12 grams of fat and 230 calories. Too many calories and too much fat of the wrong kind. Uggghh! Why does eating junk have to be bad for you? Why is it so hard to eat clean when everyone around you is not? It's not fair! Yes, I am trying to lose weight, 34 pounds to be exact. I am endeavoring to making healthier choices and to eat proper portion sizes. But, it's hard to make one meal for the family and another meal for myself, especially when their eating junk and I am not. It sucks.
Why don't you make healthy meals for the whole family, you say? I do most of the time but not everyone in my family wants to eat healthy, and I do tire of looking at long faces when I excitedly talk about the healthy meal that I am going to make for that evening's dinner. My husband also has several food allergies, so meal time in our house can be difficult at times.
But tonight for some reason was especially hard. Maybe it's because I am also suffering from PMS, talk about a great set-up to sabotage your new eating plan. But in spite of my feelings, I managed. It wasn't easy, but I ate clean. I had 4 ounces of tilapia with 1/3 cup of corn, 1/2 cup of edamame & 2 Tablespoons of lemon garlic dressing. I also had 1 cup of vegetable juice. Mmmmmmm! As a matter of fact, I ate clean all day today and I had proper portion sizes. So, I guess I am one day closer to my goal. Oh, and in case you didn't know my husband & I are planning to renew our wedding vows this year so this is in part helping to motivate me to lose the weight once and for all. Not to mention the dress I bought for the ceremony is one size smaller!
Why don't you make healthy meals for the whole family, you say? I do most of the time but not everyone in my family wants to eat healthy, and I do tire of looking at long faces when I excitedly talk about the healthy meal that I am going to make for that evening's dinner. My husband also has several food allergies, so meal time in our house can be difficult at times.
But tonight for some reason was especially hard. Maybe it's because I am also suffering from PMS, talk about a great set-up to sabotage your new eating plan. But in spite of my feelings, I managed. It wasn't easy, but I ate clean. I had 4 ounces of tilapia with 1/3 cup of corn, 1/2 cup of edamame & 2 Tablespoons of lemon garlic dressing. I also had 1 cup of vegetable juice. Mmmmmmm! As a matter of fact, I ate clean all day today and I had proper portion sizes. So, I guess I am one day closer to my goal. Oh, and in case you didn't know my husband & I are planning to renew our wedding vows this year so this is in part helping to motivate me to lose the weight once and for all. Not to mention the dress I bought for the ceremony is one size smaller!
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